youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize