my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
