I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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