Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
