So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
