so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
