need another drink. this is the easiest way
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
