She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
