I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
