and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if only i could text you this smell
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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