Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
