I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
