Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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