i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
