I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
