This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
