Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
