i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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