So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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