i jhust puked up my retainher.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize