My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
