The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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