sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
