I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize