First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
