I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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