You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize