My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
