I looked at my own cervix.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
