I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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