He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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