that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
