I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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