i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
