Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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