I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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