Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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