Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
