She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
