Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
