how can u be prego again
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize