i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
