what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Panties = found
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
