sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize