I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
