Already got asked if we're dating
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
