Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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