no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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