Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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