Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
