it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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