I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize