I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
