My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
