We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
