Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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