My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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