He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
