bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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