you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize