mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
