I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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