I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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