I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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