I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
